"Enduring Well"

As a forewarning, this entry is serving a journaling purpose more than anything and will be boring to many of you I'm sure. It will also be quite cryptic for those who don't know the stories; for which I apologize, but I cannot expound. Feel free to skip it if you wish. I wouldn't blame you!

It has been almost 6 months since the worst day of my life. And as I've been working on my upcoming lesson for Relief Society on dealing with trials (which, ironically I will be giving on fast Sunday in September - exactly 6 months), I can't help but reflect on what has by far been the biggest trial for us to date. We still find ourselves dealing with side effects of that day; some tiny little ripples that are easily forgotten, others huge waves crashing down on us unexpectedly. Yet, since that day we are both much stronger, healthier, filled with more gratitude and more committed to just about everything (and everybody) around us. And looking back on things now, I can see how trials I had earlier in life helped me prepare for what happened to us this year.

As much as I hate pretty much everything about that day, I wouldn't change it for anything. Not only was it life-saving, but it strengthened my testimony in several ways. I know Heavenly Father is watching out for us on a very specific, careful and individual basis. He does not miss anything. He lets awful things happen which many times seem to have a way of leading to a greater good. I know that He prompts us if we are willing to listen. He sometimes prompts and guides us when we are seemingly physically and mentally unable to survive let alone think straight. In those times, he leads us by the hand to help us carry out whatever it is that has to be done. I know how important it is to listen to those promptings - whether it's something so huge you can't miss, or whether it's just a passing thought that somebody needs a hug or an uplifting phone call. It is imperative to always be listening. My life would be drastically different had such promptings not been followed. My love for eternal families has been multiplied a hundred times over and I find myself working harder than I ever have before to keep my family on the road to an eternal life together.

I know that many people suffer trials that are harder or worse than the ones my little family has been asked to bear this year. I wouldn't want to trade our trials for others. We have definitely been blessed with opportunities to turn this into a major strength and will hopefully be able to take this experience and turn it into something helpful or positive for somebody else. When I was asked to accept my new church calling about a month ago, that was the first thought that popped into my head. Again, another answer to prayers. Not the answer I would have hoped for, or expected, but an answer none the less.

I am terrified of giving this lesson in Relief Society. Not only is it my first time teaching adults (versus the children and teenagers I've always been with), but it is a subject that is still so near and dear to me; a wound that is still fresh and trying to heal. But hopefully, like I said earlier, somebody can benefit from what I can hope Heavenly Father is having me say!